I have recently identified the most criminal, illiquid evil that is currently consuming Spain. In my investigations of over one month I have experienced this evil nearly every day. It’s inequity and unjust value leaves the rich poor and the poor poorer. No doubt a product of a global conspiracy, this evil can be found everywhere - in every street, among the people, in the restaurants, in the pubs, and in the bars of Madrid.
Though this evil is clearly out in the open, its ubiquity blinds us, hiding it from common observation. It leaves a lingering thirst that can seemingly never be satisfied. It robes all people - regardless of race, color, or creed - of fairness, righteousness, and liberty.
I present to you this evil… the 200mL Coca-Cola bottle!
By my estimates I’ve already spent over $200 on these fascist devil-cokes. This means at current rates I will spend over $2,400 in soda during the course of the year… That is unless I do something about it.
The most obvious option would be to stop drinking these Napoleon sized midget bastard cokes. For me this is not an option. It’s like telling a fish not to swim, or like telling a Spanish waiter not to give bad service. It’s just not something that’s going to happen.
So, I really have only one option. I must take down the Coca-Cola Company. This will be my new sole focus in life. I will fight for justice. I will fight for the people of Spain. I fight for the future welfare of thirsty students and parched tourists.
Coca-Cola this is your warning. We have declared our independence. We will stand and fight. Coca-Cola 200mL bottle, your days are numbered!
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